Rediscovering Telespam

I recently got a new home phone number. I moved all of my services (phone, internet, TV) over to the cable company for a package deal at a good price. I don’t really use the land line much but I’m not willing to cut the cord; it allows my alarm system to call for help (it would be nice to know that if I’m out and the smoke detectors are going off, it’ll call for help while the animals are alone in the house). During the next hurricane when the mobile network gets overloaded it will be good to have a working phone. If I wake up in the middle of the night and hear someone trying to break in or am having a medical emergency, there will be a phone on the nightstand more reliable than my mobile to dial 911 on.

But I don’t use it much, and almost nobody has the number. I didn’t port my old number over; I figured that it was a chance to lose the remaining telemarketers (I did this before primary day while I was getting robocall after robocall from candidates) and I only have about four people to notify with the new numbers (nearest and dearest who might call with an emergency).

And while I immediately put the new number on the federal no-call registry, that takes a little time. So in the last two weeks, I’ve gotten call, after call, after call.

There’s the collection agency that’s looking for whoever used to have my new number with a recorded message: “Please call Mr. Phelps’ office immediately!” (I found out who they were by googling the number on the caller ID. There’s the Houston Chronicle tele-stalkers, who keep calling once or twice a day even after I told them I was not interested. There’s the assorted blocked caller ID calls (hello, illegal).

It seems worse than I remember in the bad old days, but maybe I’ve just forgotten. But here’s what I keep wondering: is this really working for the people paying for it? Are they selling lots of stuff? Because honestly, every time I get one of these calls, my reaction is, “I hate your company and I’ll never do business with you.”

Candidates take note: these calls are a most excellent way to lose my vote.

Here are my marketing questions, though:

1. Do any of you have examples of telemarketing working well these days?

2. Even if it provides a positive ROI, is it damaging your brand?

3. I’m the kind of person who files complaints with the FCC when someone calls me even though I’m not on the national do not call list. (It takes five minutes and you can do it on the web.) Does anything ever come of these (other than someone at the FCC doing the filing thinking, “Wow, that is one cranky guy”)?

It’s just hard for me to believe that annoying people at inopportune times is actually a useful marketing tactic.

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