It’s Friday, so I think I’ll just rant about ads I hate
First off, I know that I’m not being highly original here, but is there anyone who actually likes the ubiquitous ads that deal with, ahem, ED? I watch a lot of baseball games, so I see an awful lot of these suckers, and, while I’m sure that they are effective I find them god-awful. I especially despise the one where the bunch of guys - aging Baby Boomers who look just like just about every guy I know in my age group - are jamming the “Viva Viagra” ditty. I really like the implication here - and in other ED ads - that the men folk are just doing it for their women folk. Right. (Let’s face it, if the wives were all that keen on it, the boys wouldn’t have to be all hanging out together jamming on a Saturday night now, would they.)
Not that I’m a repressed, parochial school prude when it comes to any mention of delicate, bodily functions, but next up on my rant is the Pepto-Bismol ads. They completely give me nausea-heartburn-upset stomach-indigestion-diarrhea. Bad enough the holiday-inspired version with the elves. Now we’ve got civilians doing their American Idol best version of the P-B macarena. Let’s face it, we all know what diarrhea is without having someone pointing to their nether regions. Pepto-Bismol? Pepto-Dismal!
Back to the Baby Boomers. I’ve had just about enough of the Touch of Gray ads to last me a lifetime. Don’t trust anyone who uses Touch of Gray and thinks that they’re fooling anyone. At least the Boomer-women I know all admit that we have no idea what color is actually under there. All I know is that the color that’s on my head now is actually a color that was found in nature on my head. Sure that was 20 years ago, but, still, it’s a color that was once my own. And most of us have our hair colored professionally, so it looks a lot better than the dye-jobs I see on some guys. Maybe Touch of Gray does come out really natural, and the touch-of-gray beards aren’t ones I notice. But why is it that so many of the men I see with dyed hair look like they do it themselves with shoe polish. And that includes Paul McCartney. Paul, sweetie, you weren’t my favorite, but you were the cutest. Go gray, my friend, I assure you it’ll be fine. (So, am I a sexist hypocrite when it comes to hair dying. Hell, yes. And I think it’s only because of the refusal of the men’s hair dying products to acknowledge that they’re actually hair dye, rather than a “hair treatment”.)
And what’s the ad that calls late middle age the “summer of your life.” (Is it Touch of Gray? Yes, of course it is.)
Am I crazy, or is being in your mid-to-late 50’s and early 60’s - the plight that us first wave Boomers find ourselves in - not the autumn of our lives?
This is not to say that these can’t be wonderful years. Fall is my favorite season. Blue skies. Gorgeous foliage. Halloween. McIntosh apples. It even comes with Indian summer. But, if I’m not mistaken, it is followed by winter.
It’s time for us Boomers to start accepting the fact that we’re getting older - and maybe even start accepting it with grace and good humor. (Nah, that will never happen.) Any ads that enable us Boomers to con ourselves into thinking that there’s no end in site DRIVE ME CRAZY.
No, I’m not ready for Fixodent and Depends, but spare me the BS about that implies that, if we don’t want to get older, there’s a way to avoid it that doesn’t involve, say, dying. And that’s by buying some font of youth product to use during this, the summer of our lives.
It’s not just Baby Boomer and/or bodily function ads that are causing me to rant today. For those who live in New England, home to a cornucopia of furniture ads in which the company owners do their own ads, is there anything worse than Bob’s Furniture ads. Give me Bernie & Phyl any day - especially the ones where the man, woman, and kid on the street sing the B&P theme song. And, what can I say, Elliot of Jordan’s Furniture is witty and Shakespearean compared to most owner-shills. But Bob’s? I would spend from here to eternity sitting on a cold concrete floor before I’d set toe in a Bob’s Furniture Store. Even if they offered me a special discount for those of us who admit that this may well be the final bedroom set purchase, given that we’re in the autumn of our lives.
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I hate those da*n Pepto-Bismol ads — the first time the commercial came on and they started singing about body functions I knew that was something I didn’t want stuck in my head, so I lunged for the remote before they could get through the 1st verse. Note to Procter and Gamble: I’m less likely to buy your product due to the ad!
And what’s with that stupid VW commercial, with the guy setting off the alarm in the dealership? Huh? I’m sitting at home trying to veg and unwind, what I’d really like to hear is intermittent car honking, particularly when it’s revealed to be due to a smarmy new car owner playing a practical joke. Note to Volkswagen: I (a DINK looking to buy a new car) won’t buy a VW as long as this ad is on the air, i.e., I’m less likely to buy your product due to the ad.
Finally those friggin’ Cheetos commercials, that are actively encouraging asocial behavior. The first one, during the Super Bowl wasn’t it, where the Cheeto-eating guy messes up another guy’s cubicle, crushes a Cheeto in his laptop, smears Cheeto grease on his papers — seriously, this is supposed to make me want to buy and eat Cheetos? This is supposed to make me want to do anything at all *other than* run out and encourage store owners not to stock Cheetos? Our world is crass and selfish enough, we don’t need junk food companies (who are already poisoning us and selling us what we don’t need) running ads encouraging people to forego what few shreads are left of etiquette and proper public behavior. Note to PepsiCo — I will probably never eat Cheetos again in my life, even if you destroy every videotape and video file containing these commercials, i.e., I am less likly to buy your product due to the ads.
I just have to jump in. I AM an ad copywriter. I TEACH copywriting. And I agree with every rant above, and could fill the rest of the page with dozens of my own commercial “pet peeves.”
I know from experience the hurdles an idea must get over to get approved and produced in a big agency/client situation. So when I see these abominations, I’m just stunned. Out of every commercial pod, there is likely to be one or two that are over-the-top ridiculous, one that is socially irresponsible (like encouraging aggressive driving or employing violence-as-humor). The rest are simply unmaginative, but at least not offensive.
But I have a theory; and I’ll state it even though young creatives reading it will smugly dismiss it as bitter sour grapes from what they would consider an out-of-touch old-schooler.
My theory: many of today’s ad copywriters (who come up with the concepts as well as the words, by the way) are simply writing for their own amusement. The ever-lowering crossbar set by You-Tube and other “user generated content” has caused the bottom to fall out. No tactic is too low, no approach too outrageous. And many older corporate executives, so uncomfortable trying to connect with Generation-Whatever-You-Call-It-Now are afraid to reject bad ideas for fear they really ARE what will motivate that sought-after younger generation. Their peers should know, right?
(And when those same writers tackle a product like Pepto-Bismal, aimed at mostly old farts, would you expect them to treat the situation with any respect or intelligence? Nah, just have fun.)
It still can be done. I love the Apple/Mac campaign in its humor, simplicity, and consistent message. Fortunately, the rare actual “idea” really stands out today against the new backdrop of video-game graphics, anti-social behavior, and self-indulgent silliness.
Sorry….time for my Metamucil and nap.