Ryanair’s latest publicity gambit

Since yesterday was St. Patrick’s Day, how can I pass up a comment on Ryanair’s latest publicity gambit, which has been in the news the last few weeks.

Dublin-based Ryanair is Europe’s screechingly bargain-rate airline - one that makes it at least seem like it’s cheaper to jet off to someplace you’d never go - like Bremen - for the weekend, rather than just stay home.

Michael O’Leary, their chief exec, is known for his rather bombastic style and outrageous comments - last year he said that he would welcome a “good recession”, as it would put an end to “environmental bullshit”. (Wonder how he’ll feel if that recession cuts into his business - but that’s another story.)

Anyway, O’Leary recently said that he was thinking of installing coin-operated toilets on his planes. On consideration, though, he decided that coin-ops wouldn’t work. But card swipes would:

“Eventually it’s going to happen. It’s just we can’t do it at the moment because we don’t have a mechanism for charging you,” he said.

O’Leary said he has asked engineers at U.S. aircraft maker Boeing — which supplies Ryanair’s entire fleet of 737-800s — to design toilets with doors that open only if you swipe a valid credit card through the locking mechanism. He conceded that his earlier idea, to make them coin-operated, wouldn’t work in part because Ryanair operates heavily in areas using both the euro and British pound.

“We have looked into this before, and the problem is Boeing can’t come up with a mechanism on the toilet door to take coins,” he said. “We’re suggesting they go back and look at a mechanism where you’d swipe the credit card for a quid (British pound) on the toilet door. They’ve gone off to look at that. … We are serious.”

As a publicity gambit, this is a pretty good one - there’s certainly been a lot of chatter.

As a customer service approach, well… Ryanair has always been pretty no-frills, and people who fly Ryan expect cheap flights in return. But I’d think it would e pretty hard to charge folks for using a toilet, especially when you’re charging folks for in-flight drinks. (Maybe you’d get a toilet-pass with each beer.) And what’s to prevent someone from holding the door open for the next patron - which was what always happened in railroad station and bus depot bathrooms that had the coin-op doors. Sure, the first person in line would have to pay, but after that… Would Ryanair have to have a stewardess act as toilet monitor to prevent this? Seems like that would be more costly than having free toilets. Also, in places where there are pay toilets, you usually have the alternative of looking for another place to relieve yourself. On a plane, you’re pretty much a captive audience.

If and when - and I’m seriously doubting this will ever happen - Ryanair does install pay toilets, I’m sure it will only last until the first person pees in a soda can - or, worse, right in the seat. The cleaning costs alone - not to mention the nausea of other flyers - should quickly put paid to this plan.

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